Yeah, Life Sucks. But I Didn’t Throw Anything At A Wall Today

This is more of a personal post today because oh what a Monday it’s been. Those of you who follow me on twitter have probably seen at least one of my numerous posts ranting about my wrist issues and my related adventures in the healthcare system. Long story short, I fell while roller skating in August of 2013 (no that is not a typo, yes this is a 14 month old injury), initial x-rays showed nothing, months of physio have had little improvement, I’ve seen multiple doctors including a sports medicine doctor and a world-class hand surgeon, and despite getting the “million dollar workup” (3 sets of X-rays, an EMG, and 2 MRIs) everything has come back negative and nobody can tell me why my wrist just refuses to get better.

Today I had a doctor essentially give up on me, this is the second one to do so, leaving me to go to physiotherapy and “be patient”, not seeming to understand that I’ve been working so hard in physio for over a year with no resolution to my pain and the lack of progress is why my physiotherapist sent me back to the doctor in the first place!

I’ll admit, I was in tears as I left the hospital and for pretty much all of my walk home. I didn’t throw my phone against my wall today, unlike in January when I got my first negative MRI result, but boy oh boy did I want to. Normally I’m pretty guarded with my emotions but I moped around all day, probably looking like I wanted to kill someone, and the person who almost ran into me while turning right at an intersection got a significantly dirtier look than I usually give drivers who do that (sadly that is a regular occurrence in my life, and I swear I’m a good pedestrian).

But as the day went on, I realized what a cow I was being. Yeah, I had a legitimate reason to be upset and every once in a while I’m allowed to take a day off from my usual friendly optimism, but despite the image I was probably projecting, the world was not actually on the verge of ending. And furthermore, for every thing I had to complain about today, I had about ten others to be thankful for, such as…

-all those tests and imaging may have been essentially useless, but at least they’re available to me and covered by OHIP

-I have access to world-class healthcare

-I can walk to and from the hospital alone with no fear for my safety, and it’s a beautiful walk to make it even better

-in the 3 trips I made to urgent care/the emergency room last fall (1 for my wrist, 2 for when I was seriously sick) the only determining factor in going was whether it was needed, not whether I could afford it

-I have never heard as many “I love you”s from my little kids at work than I did today

I guess this post doesn’t really have a grand point. It’s a way of moving on from my “woe is me” day and trying to make the best of what life has thrown at me. It can be easy to focus on the bad things, but if you take a step back, then all of the wonderful things about life will shine through, and at the very least they will help you deal with the bad stuff. Count your blessings, spread the love, and reach for the stars, I can’t really think of a better way to live life.

And as I tell my pre-school kids? Sometimes if somebody isn’t being nice to you, then you have to be extra kind to them to teach them how to do it.

Oh, and don’t throw things at walls. Trust me, it leaves a mark!

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